You literally address everybody as if they’re the President. Well, sir, I was hoping, but by no means expecting, that I could possibly excuse myself for a moment or two so that I might retrieve a light refreshment. Translation: BRB, I’m gonna get a snack.
You posted a #humblebrag Instagram the day you accepted your job. And those fellow PGs who already had jobs were like, “Hey, welcome to the club!” and those who did not yet have jobs may have double-tapped, but were also like “Real talk: go fuck yourself.”
You double-check your grammar on everything you send (because you don’t want them to think they hired an idiot.) Is it “Beyoncé and I would be best friends” or “Me and Beyoncé would be best friends” ?
Maintaining your social life becomes a lot harder. Having a nap > having friends
You’re super-aware of what everyone else wears to the office. Because you’re trying to find the line between “business casual” and “business professional” and once and for all conclude that leggings are in the no-fly zone.
Each time you get a paycheck and see the taxes taken out, it feels like the first time. BUT HAS SOMEBODY TOLD YOU ABOUT MY STUDENT LOANS, THOUGH.
Coffee becomes your main bitch and your side bitch. All I need in this life of sin, is me and my Dunkin’. (Me and my Dunkin’.)
You’re expected to care about having bennies (benefits), but literally have no idea what that means.Yeah, healthcare seems really important and cool and I totally respect that, but tbh I still go to a pediatrician and I got a spot reserved on my parents’ policy until I’m 26, so I’ll figure this whole thing out later.
You’re constantly unsure about how much you should share with your coworkers. Do I admit that I’m hung-over AF right now? That literally nothing in the world would make me happier than lying on the ground underneath my desk, using my mouse pad as a pillow?
You implement the same sneaky methods you used during class to take Snapchats on the low. And have perfected your, “Oh hey, coworker I was trying to take a picture of, I totally wasn’t doing that, this is the Weather Channel app” face.
You literally have nightmares about hitting “Reply All”. *wakes up at 4 a.m. in a cold sweat* “I DIDN’T MEAN TO SEND ‘SURE, SOUNDS GUCCI’ TO 54 OTHER PEOPLE.”